i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
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I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
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I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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