hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
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Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
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You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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