Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
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My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
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Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I am mentally ready for anal.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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