She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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