i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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