i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize