Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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