Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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