I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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