called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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