Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize