i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
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