Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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