I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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