so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
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Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
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It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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