I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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