I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
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She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
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We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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