I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
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Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
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I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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