I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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