Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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