I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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