Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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