My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
They took my balls.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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