In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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