so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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