Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
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Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
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I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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