oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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