I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize