I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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