are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
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He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
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you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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