so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Who wears a wallet chain?!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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