All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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