i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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