happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Text me some of your sweat
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