If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I touched a dick in church today
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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