Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
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it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
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Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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