he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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