I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
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I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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