Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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