we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
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All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
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Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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