The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
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It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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