Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
