Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
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I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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