I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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