You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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