one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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