Need sex. Gaining weight.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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