I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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