In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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