JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
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I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
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Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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