Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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